The simple life...
by CalloMe
Summary: Ookay... I don't know why I wrote this... *sighs* Well...Read,if ya want...
1. Gah! Why do you read this??!!

Author's notes:

Author's notes:

Ookay… This is my first attempt to write a humorous fic, so eh,

Don't… go hard on me…'kay?

Oh… yeah…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, not even Callo(Melrose), duh!

-Callo(me!)

The simple life…

Chapter one:

The couples

------

Amarant and Lani

~o~

Amarant and Lani are living together in Treno(no kiddin'…), they are not married or anything they are just, together 'n' stuff.

Amarant: Yo, Lani! I'm going to the shop! 

Lani: *reading Lord Avon's 'I want to be you canary'(don't ask…)* Hey! Bring me some chocolate, will ya!

Amarant: *stops by the doorway* Chocolate, huh? Lemme guess… menstruation…?

Lani: *stops reading* No… ! I just…

Amarant: *shocked look on his face* Gawd! Don't tell me! Are you… Pregnant??!! 

Lani: *really annoyed* Will you go to the fuc**ng shop or not??!!!

Amarant: Shit! You ARE pregnant!! Aww, this ain't good! Man, I'm not a fatherly type-guy… 

Lani glares at Amarant.

Lani: Get… going…

Amarant: …But…

Lani: Now!!! 

Amarant: Yikes! Sure!! *runs out*

Lani: Dumbass…*continues reading*

~o~

Zidane and Dagger/Garnet/Sarah

~o~

Both of them are sitting in the dining room, having breakfast.

Garnet: Ziddy darling!!

Zidane: Yes, Dagger-poo?

Garnet: Would you please pour me some tea, love…

Zidane: Why yes my honey! *pours Garnet some tea* There you go, sugar…

Garnet: *giggles* Zidane, sweetie… Would you like to have some….

Before Garnet could finish,

Zidane: Yes! I would! *jumps up from his chair* Let's go, to the bedroom!

Garnet: *sweatdrop* Ehm, I meant coffee, Zidane… Not sex…

Zidane: *dull* Oh… *sits down* …okay… sorry… Dagger, would you please give me that hot…

And before Zidane could answer,

Garnet: Zidane! For heaven's sake! Didn't I already tell you that I am not going to sleep with you!!?? *all red from the yelling* … Well, maybe later but… Definitely not now!!!

Zidane:….. Ookay… I got it… Can I have my coffee now…?

Garnet: …..

Zidane: …..

Garnet:….

Zidane:….. You thinking what I'm thinking…?

Garnet: … I think so…

Zidane:… Good, let's go…

Garnet:… Yes, let's go…

They both stand up and leave the dining room.

~o~

Freya and Fratley

~o~

They sit in the balcony of Royal Castle(or whatever…) in Burmecia.

Freya: I say Fratley… It sure is beautiful, don't you think…?

Fratley:Uh-huh…

Freya: Indeed! It's been a long time since I saw the sun shine so beautifully in here…

Fratley:Uh-huh…

Freya: I wonder what are my friends doing? 

Fratley:Uh-huh…

Freya: They're all probably living their lives, except Vivi, with their loved ones…

Fratley:Uh-huh…

Freya: Oh, and did I tell you about the time when we were in Memoria? That sure was dangerous…

Fratley:Uh-huh…

Freya: I didn't?! Good, wanna hear?

Fratley:Uh-huh… …!!! I mean no!!! No!! You already told that!!

Freya: I did?! Gosh, well… Did I tell you about that time when I first met Amarant? He was so arrogant and rude, jeez!

Fratley: …… About a hundred times…

Freya: I did?!?! Whoa! Well, did I tell you when I was…

Fratley: Hoo boy… I wish I'd had that amnesia right now…

~o~

Steiner and Beatrix

~o~

Steiner is standing outside of Garnet's room. He has his ears covered with his hands.

Steiner: #%&¤¤##%&/!! I cannot understand that why the hell do I have to guard the door to Her Majesty's room! I wanted to take the patrol, but no! 'Steiner is the perfect man to do the guarding' , bullshit… I want to patrol!!! Now it's even worse when that monkey boy wanted to have sex with Her Royal Highness…

The reason why Steiner had his ears covered, what quite obvious,

Inside Garnet's room: OH MY GOD ZIDANE!! DEEPER!! HARDER!!! FASTER!!! AH! IT'S AN ORDER YOU HEAR!! AAAH!!

Steiner: … Lord have mercy on me… And Her Majesty… If she survives… 

Beatrix comes to see how her love is doing on the job,

Beatrix: Why hello there Steiner… *hears THE voices* Um, Queen Garnet and Zidane, I presume…

Steiner: *nods* Who else…

Beatrix: Well, it could be us… *winks*

Steiner: *blushes* Er, do you think so…?

Beatrix: *giggles* Yes, I do think so..

Steiner: Uwaoo! Oh thank you! *kneels in front of Beatrix* I've waited so long for you to say that!!

Beatrix:… *sweatdrop* … Oh, really… 

Steiner: Let's go! Let's go! Let's goooo~!!! *jumps up and down, making his armor clatter* 

Beatrix: Maybe in the evening… When you've got rid of that awful armor of yours… Then I could fu** you… *walks away*

Steiner: … Yes… Yes! YES!!! I can fu** Beatrix! I can fu** Beatrix! Yeah! I can- Hey! What did she mean that I'd have to get rid of my armor…? Why on earth I'd have to do that? My armor makes me look masculine and sexy… *straightens his back* Soooo, sexy…

~o~

… That's that…

Next chapter will be about the singles… 

*sigh* This ain't working ….

*sits on the floor and covers her face with her hands*

Go away please…

-Callo(Me!) 


	2. Ack, who cares!!!

Author's notes:

Author's notes:

This is the second chapter…

…-_-;;;

-Callo

The simple life…

The singles

~o~

Eiko was sitting in her room, which used to be the guest room, in Lindblum castle.

She was drawing pictures of herself killing Dagger.

Eiko: Bwahaahaa!! Take that!! And that!! Die bitch, die!! 

Suddenly, Mog pops out of nowhere,

Mog: Kupo!

Eiko: M-mog!! But, but… You died!!! 

Mog: Ku-po! Kupopo! Kuppo-po! Kupo!*

* translation; that was in the game!, ya know…

Eiko: Oh, I see… Yay! You're not dead!! *hugs Mog* Hey! Will ya help me to kill Dagger!??

Mog: ….po…*

* Why not…

Eiko: Great!! Then I, Eiko Carol the six years old almighty summoner, shall rule both Lindblum AND Alexandria!!

Mwahahaaa!!!!

Mog: Kupppppoooo!!!! …??…!! Po-ku… Kupo-popo!? Pokukoku…?

* YAYYY!!! …??…!! But, how do you suppose to kill her… She has more guards than I have hair on my fur…

Eiko:.. Good point… *sits down and starts thinking* … … … … … … … Aha! That's it!! I'll summon Fenrir on her!!

Millennial Decay!! And KER-BLAM!! She's history!! Kyahahahaa!!!

Mog: Kuuupo, po…

* But she could summon Odin…

Eiko: H-huh?? O.o … Darn it!! I forgot that she's a summoner too… But, I shall summon Madeen on her!! He's stronger than Odin!! Terra Homing!!! And WHHOOSSHH and CRASH and BLAM and AAAARRGGHH!!! She is dead!! Dead as a stone!! Dead as Kuja and Vivi!! Gyahahahaaa!!!

Mog: … *sigh* Po… Kupopopooo!! Kuppoppo!! POOOMM ku KOOO ku POKUU!!! Ku kupopo, popu kupo…

* But… she could summon Ark on you!!! BOOOM and BANG and BADAAMM!! You're dead, dead as Zorn and Thorn…

Eiko: Uweeheeheehee- Whatwhatwhat!!!?? AAAHH!! "#¤%¤"##W&¤/&(%%¤¤#!!! Goddamn Ark!!… *sniff* Now I'll never get Zidane…. Waaahh!! Boo-hoo-hoo!!! *sniff, sniff*…*sob*…. Okay, that's enough crying!! Wanna go shopping!!?? I have lot's of money, I am the 'princess' of Lindblum, ya know…*smirk*

Mog: Kupo!! 

* Let's go!!

….So, they went shopping… 

~o~

Quina

~o~

He/she was catching frogs in his/her own marsh. But, due to his/hers fatness, he/she couldn't catch any.

Quina: *huff* Come here you frog! I eat you! * wheeze * I cook you as dinner!!

Frog: (Keep dreaming fat ass!)

Quina: *puff* Stop! When I say you stop you have to stop!

He/she runs after a couple of frogs until he/she gets tired,

Quina: Ooh, I half dead… My head hurt… My stomach say, feed me! Feed me!, and Quina's Gastro Fork go bye-bye… This no good… 

Suddenly Amarant runs past him/her Lani chasing him,

Amarant: AAAHH! Lani!! No!! I don't wanna be a father !!! WAAAHH!! I don't wanna I don't wanna!! 

Lani: Aww, c'mon Red!! Wouldn't it be nice to hold a small, innocent and cute and lovable and soft, just-born baby in yer arms??!! I would like it! *all crazed from baby-fever*

Amarant: NOOOOO!!! Mommy!! Help me!!! Save me from her vicious plans!!! 

They run away.

Quina: They sure busy… Ho, who coming now…?

This time Beatrix and Steiner come,

Beatrix: No, no, no!! I won't fu** you until I see you without that old an' rusty armor! 

Steiner: But, you said…

Beatrix: I said I'll fu** you after you get rid of your armor!!

Steiner: Nooo…*sob* … I-I-I-I love, my *sniff* armor… I-I-I d-don't wanna get rid of it…*starts to cry*

Beatrix: *feels sorry for poor Steiner* Ah, please don't cry… Hey, how about that we go get your armor a polishing? Would you like that? Huh..?

Steiner: *eyes all red from the crying* …Re-really…?

Beatrix: Sure! ^_^

Steiner: ^_________________^ *gives Beatrix a huge bear hug* Yay! Let's go! *drags Beatrix with him*

Beatrix: How do get stuck with weird people…?

Quina: …??? Ho, Quina have idea! Quina start a dating service! Quina make many money! Then Quina buy food and get even more fat! No have to catch frog anymore!

So, Quina did start a Dating Service and he/she got hell lot of money… And you can guess the rest…

~o~

Kuja 

~o~

Kuja was-

Callo(Me!): Hold it!! Hold it!! Kuja, come 'ere…

Kuja: M-me…?

Callo: Well, duh! Is there anyone else named Kuja?

Kuja: …

Callo: Just as I thought… *Kuja walks to her* Ya see, da prob is that, YOU'RE DEAD!! YOU CANNOT BE IN THIS FIC!

Kuja:…Wh-why…?

Callo: Cuz, *points at a huge floating sign* NO DEAD PEOPLE ALLOWED!! 

Kuja: *is gonna cry* 

Callo: … Geez, okay, it's okay… *pats Kuja on his shoulder* you'll get your chance sometime… Besides, you have lot's of fans *points at all the Kuja fans out there* and they love ya… 

Kuja: !!! I do!!?? *sees his fans* Ah! I do have fans! *sniff* I'm so happy! Thank you Callo! You saved my life *hugz Me!* !!

Callo: Ack! C-cute! Will you let go or else I'll choke!!

Kuja: Ah, gomen nasai *lets Me! go* …

Callo: *doesn't understand Japanese* Eh… 0.0;;; O-okay… Well, I'll get going… now, take care… *hops into the vortex which leads her home* Crazy people!

Kuja: *looks at his fans* Ah! My Dear Fans! How I Do Love You All!! Think I'll sing for you!

Aaaa~!

Me! stops typing to save you from the horrible experiment. 

Callo: Phew… Sorry, Kuja… I had to do it…..

~o~

Callo(Me!)

~o~

Callo is sitting in her room and writing a new chapter to her first fic (The Search for Lost love).

Callo: I must be really pathetic person to write 'bout myself…

???: Damn right you are!

Callo: AAAHH!! Wh-who is this??

Amarant emerges from the shadows,

Callo: !!!! Ookay… 0_o Now, this is weird….

Red(I'll call him Red now, it's shorter to write than Amarant!: You little brat! Why the hell did you put me into your stupid fic with Freya!??

Callo:… Cuz, you two make a cute couple…

Red: Well I don't like it! I don't wanna be with Freya!!

Callo: Do you wanna be with Lani then? I can change the script whenever I want!

Red:… Darn it…

Callo: Ha-ha-ha! Now, off you go!

Red:… But, but, but… 

Callo. GET THE FU** OUTTA MY ROOM!!! *is a very aggressive person, no duh, I am a Taurus, ya know*

Red: …WAAH! Meanie!! * disappears as fast as he came* 

Callo: Good! Now all of you people who read(and reviewed) this story, thank you and good bye! I've done enough writing fir one day, so now I'm gonna go and take a nap! Over an' out!

~o~

*doesn't wanna talk to anyone*

-Callo(Me!)


End file.
